Tiffany vs Wayne Crane's Tomato Plants
Picture it--a warm May night in the mountains of Virginia. A light breeze. A full moon. The sound of crickets. A quiet and peaceful night, right? Well this is where my story begins.
My mother was at the beach with her boyfriend, Earl, which meant party at my house. It wasn't supposed to be a big party, just a few friends. Famous last words from a senior in high school. When the party started it was just a few friends having some beers and playing quarters. No biggie. Then out came the liquor, and it all went go downhill after that. People were calling friends, and they would show up with more friends. And so on and so on.
My friend, Trinity, was already at home for the night when we called her to come down to the party. She said her parents were already asleep so she would "sneak out." Tiffany and I head out in the gold nugget -- a gold Cavalier,which was Tiff's first car -- to pick her up. (We lived on the same street.) It really wasn't any big deal to get her out of the window. We had done this many times. Tiff, Trin, and myself return to the party without her parents waking up. Good job.
The trouble came when we were returning Trinity to her room in the wee hours of the morning. Tiff and I had to lift Trinity back into the window. Sounds so simple. Tiff and I position ourselves under the window and Trinity climbs on to our legs (like a cheerleading pyramid). All of sudden, Tiffany starts sinking, and she is soaking wet. Trinity and I can't figure out what going on because we are so focused on getting her into the window without waking her parents. Now Tiff is starting to get frustrated because her whole penny loafer is completely covered with mud. Trin and I start laughing because the sight of Tiff soaking wet and one shoe down in the mud was too funny. Tiff couldn't take our laughing anymore and says "This f*cking shit ain't funny anymore!" and with one big push, pushes Trinity into the window head first. Well this made me laugh even harder because now Trinity is spread eagle on her bedroom floor and Tiff is in her stocking feet digging out her shoe, all the while water is just pouring down onto her head.
When we get back to my house, we try to clean up the penny loafer and try to figure out why she was soaking wet and I was not. It wasn't raining. Never mind the party was still going on.
The next morning, Trinity calls me just dying from laughing about the past night's events. Then she hears her dad say "Judy, I believe some boys were looking into Trinity's room last night. The tomatoes plants I planted yesterday are destroyed and there are footprints all through this flower bed."
Before Trinity knew it her dad was at Lowe's buying a motion detector light for the corner of their house -- to keep the boys from looking into Trinity's room. There was no way we could tell her parents it wasn't boys, it was just us. So the motion detector lights went up.
Oh, the reason why Tiff was so wet was because a rain gutter had leaked on her head. For as long as I live I will never forget looking over at Tiff in the pale moonlight, her curly hair soaked, her Polo sweatshirt soaked, and only one shoe on, and one shoe in her hand covered in mud, and cussing all the way back to the car.
It's funny how when you get old you start to fess up to your parents about the "bad" things you did as a teenager. This past summer when I was on vacation with Trinity's family, we finally told her parents about the tomato plants. Her mom, Judy, was just laughing so hard.
And for Trinity's sake, I will make the disclaimer that she was a good girl until she started hanging out with me and Tiffany. We were the bad influences you were warned about on the after school specials.
My mother was at the beach with her boyfriend, Earl, which meant party at my house. It wasn't supposed to be a big party, just a few friends. Famous last words from a senior in high school. When the party started it was just a few friends having some beers and playing quarters. No biggie. Then out came the liquor, and it all went go downhill after that. People were calling friends, and they would show up with more friends. And so on and so on.
My friend, Trinity, was already at home for the night when we called her to come down to the party. She said her parents were already asleep so she would "sneak out." Tiffany and I head out in the gold nugget -- a gold Cavalier,which was Tiff's first car -- to pick her up. (We lived on the same street.) It really wasn't any big deal to get her out of the window. We had done this many times. Tiff, Trin, and myself return to the party without her parents waking up. Good job.
The trouble came when we were returning Trinity to her room in the wee hours of the morning. Tiff and I had to lift Trinity back into the window. Sounds so simple. Tiff and I position ourselves under the window and Trinity climbs on to our legs (like a cheerleading pyramid). All of sudden, Tiffany starts sinking, and she is soaking wet. Trinity and I can't figure out what going on because we are so focused on getting her into the window without waking her parents. Now Tiff is starting to get frustrated because her whole penny loafer is completely covered with mud. Trin and I start laughing because the sight of Tiff soaking wet and one shoe down in the mud was too funny. Tiff couldn't take our laughing anymore and says "This f*cking shit ain't funny anymore!" and with one big push, pushes Trinity into the window head first. Well this made me laugh even harder because now Trinity is spread eagle on her bedroom floor and Tiff is in her stocking feet digging out her shoe, all the while water is just pouring down onto her head.
When we get back to my house, we try to clean up the penny loafer and try to figure out why she was soaking wet and I was not. It wasn't raining. Never mind the party was still going on.
The next morning, Trinity calls me just dying from laughing about the past night's events. Then she hears her dad say "Judy, I believe some boys were looking into Trinity's room last night. The tomatoes plants I planted yesterday are destroyed and there are footprints all through this flower bed."
Before Trinity knew it her dad was at Lowe's buying a motion detector light for the corner of their house -- to keep the boys from looking into Trinity's room. There was no way we could tell her parents it wasn't boys, it was just us. So the motion detector lights went up.
Oh, the reason why Tiff was so wet was because a rain gutter had leaked on her head. For as long as I live I will never forget looking over at Tiff in the pale moonlight, her curly hair soaked, her Polo sweatshirt soaked, and only one shoe on, and one shoe in her hand covered in mud, and cussing all the way back to the car.
It's funny how when you get old you start to fess up to your parents about the "bad" things you did as a teenager. This past summer when I was on vacation with Trinity's family, we finally told her parents about the tomato plants. Her mom, Judy, was just laughing so hard.
And for Trinity's sake, I will make the disclaimer that she was a good girl until she started hanging out with me and Tiffany. We were the bad influences you were warned about on the after school specials.
posted by jenianddean at
1:04 AM >>
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